How to Avoid Becoming a Slave to Lust?
Lust is a massive challenge for everyone in this world. Even great sages veer off the path because of it. What to say of an ordinary person? A lustful person will not see God even in their dreams.
The wise sages have shown us the way to break free from lust, live a disciplined life, and attain God. Desire, which is the action of the three impurities (Mummalam) arising in the mind—Ego (Anavam), Karma (Kanmam), and Illusion (Mayai)—dawns as lust. “Maya” dances a human around according to their karma. Do not get trapped, or you will be ruined. But man, succumbing to lust and caught in the illusory web of women, suffers, tortures his body, ruins his mind, and perishes. The lust-blinded man (Kamandhagan) will never see God. Overcome by lust, a person lives blind despite having eyes, and deaf despite having ears.
He will not seek a good Sadguru (True Guru) to listen to the teachings of the Vedas and Puranas. Without realizing true wisdom, he foolishly thinks that since the perishable body will eventually die anyway, he can live as he pleases. Thus, he tortures his body, turns his life into a wasteland, and dies. “You do not know the way to make the perishable body imperishable,” warns a sage. Yes, the human body is indeed perishable if one lives purely by the whims of the mind. Why does lust arise?
“Ilaiyaa midaiyi lezhugindra kaamam” – Thirumandhiram 2141
A human is born as a child. Knowing nothing, like raw clay. They become whatever pottery the potter shapes them into. Being born in a theistic family and growing up in a spiritual environment guides one to know and realize God. Being born in an atheistic family, foolishly thinking oneself a great genius and living as such—no one has ever prospered in that environment. The child grows into a youth, then a young adult. Along with the physical growth that happens then, lust arises in humans just naturally like hunger, thirst, and sleep. This sexual attraction and lust that occurs between male and female in the youthful period—between birth and death—is something that must be handled with control and care.
It doesn’t just come in the “middle” period of life (in youth) and end before old age. Lust also rears its head due to the sensations in the middle of our body—the pelvic region. The changes that happen in this middle period, this intermediate time, is the era when a human being’s character must be cultivated. To uplift human life, our ancestors created a societal structure and taught discipline and character. They nurtured devotion. They guided us to worship and realize God through the three forms of Tamil (Muthamizh: literature, music, and drama). They guided humans not to stop at merely taking a human birth and living like animals, but to live truly as elevated human beings.
When does a human truly become human? Only when they completely exclude the five great sins (Panchamahapataka)—lying, murder, theft, alcohol, and lust—from their lives. Desire, the action of the three mental impurities (Ego, Karma, and Illusion), dawns as lust. “Maya” dances humans around according to their karma. Do not get trapped, or you will be ruined. Lust is human nature; regulate it. Get married and live devoted strictly to a single wife (Ekapathini viradhan). Sometimes a wife is also referred to as a partner in lust. Confine your lust only to your wife. Consider all other women in the world as your mother.
One may have intercourse with their wife only twice a month. The strength of the vital fluid (Semen/Vindhu) is of great help in attaining Vindhunadham (spiritual energy/sound). Beware. One must remain healthy, strong, and steady without succumbing to lust. Do not make lust obscene; you will be destroyed. Lust should be like the pickle added to a meal. You can touch it lightly. If you make pickle your main meal, life will not sustain. Until marriage, both men and women should live with spiritual consciousness. They must shine with devotion and wisdom. This is our Indian culture.
Only after marriage should husband and wife live with a unified mind, following the righteous path of household life and divine consciousness. They should beget virtuous sons and daughters, instill devotion in them, and raise them with good character. Before their childhood ends, they should be placed with a proper spiritual Guru to learn lessons of devotion and wisdom. It is not enough just to have children! They must be made to receive initiation from a proper Sanmarga (righteous path) Guru. Mother and father must strictly point their children towards a Guru. Parents who do not show a Guru are in vain.
Lust is only for after marriage. Until then, one must serve God with devotion and discipline. A cultivated life. One may have intercourse with their wife only twice a month. The strength of the vital fluid is of great help in attaining Vindhunadham. Beware. One must remain healthy, strong, and steady without succumbing to lust. Do not make lust obscene; you will be destroyed. Lust should be like the pickle added to a meal. You can touch it lightly. If you make pickle your main meal, life will not sustain. Until marriage, both men and women should live with spiritual consciousness. They must shine with devotion and wisdom. This is our Indian culture.
Only after marriage should husband and wife live with a unified mind, following the righteous path of household life and divine consciousness. They should beget virtuous sons and daughters, instill devotion in them, and raise them with good character. Before their childhood ends, they should be placed with a proper spiritual Guru to learn lessons of devotion and wisdom. It is not enough just to have children! They must be made to receive initiation from a proper Sanmarga Guru. Mother and father must strictly point their children towards a Guru. Parents who do not show a Guru are in vain. Lust is only for after marriage. Until then, one must serve God with devotion and discipline. God will bless such a cultivated life.
If you constantly think of God, and look at all women as mothers, you can escape from lust. Abirami Pattar saw all women as the Divine Mother! All true sages attained enlightenment only because they overcame lust. Arunagirinathar, who was once deeply immersed in lust, abandoned it—and touched God.
To keep lust away — think of God. Join a Satsang (holy gathering) that talks about God. Non-vegetarian food induces lust. Vegetarian food is the food of the righteous spiritual path. The Sattvic (pure/peaceful) nature will come only if you eat vegetarian food. Show love. Do not harbor desire. Do not become a slave to lustful feelings.
Bogar Siddhar was not someone who indulged in physical pleasure (Bhogam) with women. He was one who was always merged with the Supreme Being, the Purushothaman. That is why he is called ‘Bogar’.
“The foolish, innocent heart seeks the place of its birth! The corner of the eye seeks the place that was milked…”
— so sang Saint Pattinathar. All the educated fools interpreted this song obscenely. Is Pattinathar not a great sage? Would he not have spoken of higher wisdom? Shouldn’t one think about that? I explained the profound spiritual meaning of this in the very first book I wrote in 1992, “Kanmani Maalai”. I wrote and published it by the grace of Thiru Arutprakasa Vallalar. This is true wisdom.
Place of birth – Did we not originate from the Paramatma (Supreme Soul)? He calls us Pedhai (an innocent girl) – this represents the feminine stage. As Jivatmas (individual souls), we are of the feminine aspect, the innocent girl. The life-force, the innocent ones that we are, must always seek the Paramatma (Siva) from which we were born. The milked place – When we kindle the light of the pupil (Kanmani) through a spiritual Sadguru and continuously meditate, our vision will ultimately go inward and reach the “corner of the eye” (Kadaikkan), which is the seat of the soul (Atmasthanam). If we go there, we will attain the nectar (Amrutham). All Jivatmas are yearning to consume that nectar. Only if the vision finally goes inward and reaches that corner of the eye will the nectar be obtained. This is what Pattinathar beautifully sings about.
To a lust-filled person, to one with a purely worldly mind, everything will appear obscene. Those who constantly keep God in their thoughts and perform penance will see God in everything and everywhere. The wise will see the absolute truth in whatever is said by whomever. Wisdom itself is Gnana (Enlightenment).
“He is the pure one who dispelled lust, the devotee of Sivakami,” sings Vallalar. We must surrender to Mother Sivakami. Sivakami is the one who eternally desires Sivam. She is the one who shows (Kamikkindraval / Kanbikkindraval) Sivam to us. That Sivakami is the Mother, the youthful maiden (Vaalai), the Virgin, Kumari. If we bow to and surrender to the Mother, we can be freed from lust. Because she removes lust and bestows grace, she is Kamatchi. Bow down. Mother Vaalai, who gave us life, will bless us with a disciplined and cultured life.
Thiruchitrambalam.